Glitchy Glitchy

Nolan (a man who most certainly exists) and I have written a book in which a trillion dollar augmented reality park goes on the fritz and glitches dangerously. It got me to thinking about The Sims. As a game it has always been a fantastic bit of fun . . . and full of some of the strangest breaks, exploits, and hilarious snaps.

Aaah!

Have you seen my Baseball?

I have played every version of the Sims ever. Right from its original start as an architectural preview program stomped halfway through development into the pancaked insanity that was its first game all the way to the itemless crash grab that characterized the release of Sims 4.

The thousandth pool death this week. What is going on around here?!

Speaking of Sims 4 – It really didn’t feel right not having pools to drown Sims in. Am I right or am I right? Pool drownings should not require DLCs!

The problem with the Sims games seems to always have involved the customizability of the characters. Also, possibly, the developers’ direct ties to Satan.

A person standing in a room

Description automatically generated
Yes. Yas! Just a screen away from fleshy human succulence!

And god help you if you used any mods. Halfway through character creation you found yourself rolling for initiative as shimmering digital tentacles tore through your screen to eat your eyes.

Behold the horror that the future holds!

Don’t get me wrong – the glitches were often hilarious and rarely game breaking. In the first Sims the fire alarm that was supposed to help you often made your peeps just stand and scream, allowing the fire to spark over and consume them. Plus a glitch in the second one allowed you to delete your mail box, ending taxes. An exploit that Al Kaholic took advantage of in every house he lived as he made and drank batch after batch at his “juice bar”. It didn’t stop him from eventually going homeless, but it did make his descent from mansion to homeless lot a much slower one.

The children also tended to suffer from monstrous afflictions. From the infamous slenderman curse . . .

Squark!

to the sunken backward head jaw syndrome that characterized the 3rd in the series, no adolescent was safe in the neighborhoods and villages of Sim City.

“Grabwafsjfdfsldksfalj.” “What did he say?” “He wants a glass of water . . . and your soul!”

Considering the tortured and haunted futures of so many of the souls within the game, it should perhaps come as no surprise that some parents were less than enthused about raising their young.

Skadoosh!

Nolan “The Totally Real Guy” Locke and Damien Hanson have a book. You should buy it! https://bit.ly/glitchworld

Published by Damien Lee Hanson

I am the founder of Damien Hanson Books. Come check out awesome authors right here at my website!

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