Tucker Carlson, noted right wing professional feeling haver and known recently for having completely misunderstood the idea of defunding and disbanding the present police force, expressed shock and rage after being told that his treasured tub of desk drawer butter “was not butter.”
“I just cannot believe it,” the man declared, kicking a puppy and launching it across the studio. “What kind of sick fuck would market butter that isn’t butter?!”
The man was escorted off the premises and returned much calmer, sources say. Sitting down and hugging the tub to his chest, he explained that, “Just because butter believes it is not butter doesn’t mean that it isn’t butter. Lieberals can call it not butter all they want, I’ll always know the truth.”
Sconnie Books 