Utterly Incapable Human Beings Seize Seattle, Defeat the Right

Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Free Healthcare!

Seattle, USA 2020 The Forces of Lieberalism have scored another victory over the Patriots of the US. Not at all taking pages from the playbook of Super-Patriot-Who-Should-Be-King Cliven Bundy, the jobless weakling soyboy soldiers of the Left seized power after driving out the well-jobbed and powerful police soldiers of the Right. They followed their victory by making fake tweets for the Right to share, cackling as they did so. “I made a photoshop of a tweet I made before and the tweet said all of our food got stolen by homeless people,” said Derpa Derp, age 24. “Then we all sat in a circle and watched the idiots share it for hours and hours. I never got back up! I can’t feel my legs!”

Pictured: Jobless Weakling Cowards Defeating the Right

Some of the shiftless white-hating welfare losers weren’t there for the initial battle, but offered support afterwards. “For me it is about showing the nation what people can do together without being lorded over by an abusive military force,” said jobless and lazy shitstain Dr. Julian Castile. “I didn’t participate in the actual theatrics of just setting up a spontaneous community event, but now I come here after my 18 hour shifts to check up on people and to show solidarity.”

What the hell have doctors ever done for this country? Goddamn Lieberals

President Trump has declared the Leftwing victory “a minor setback” and has assured the nation that “China did this. Everything is China, always. Don’t tell Putin I said that though. He’s working on a trade deal and he doesn’t want me messing things up for them. Anyways, the nukes are ready, the button is here, I am gonna push it. We have the biggest nukes. The most glorious nukes. China will pay.”

Pictured: Winning!

China was not available to comment as a wave of shit flooded the country.

And then promptly censored from all domestic media

Published by Damien Lee Hanson

I am the founder of Damien Hanson Books. Come check out awesome authors right here at my website!

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