Seoul, South Korea, 2020 – When monster hunter Marlboro Glamdor offered his high level services to the party for just one share of the loot, the party was more than shocked. They were ecstatic.
“I remember listening to the DM praise his musculature, his rugged beard and glowing magical items over a black leather suit inscribed with sigils and I thought, heck yeah, all we gotta do is sit back and let him win us some hardcore XPs,” Gaming Veteran Alex Pole told us with a sigh.
But unfortunately for the PCs, it wasn’t the XPs that were hardcore.
“I feel like I knew something was up after Marlboro kept bending over to check for traps in front of us and the DM would spend the next ten minutes describing his ass,” noted Milosz Milano, shuddering. “Those are moments of my life that I will never ever be able to get back. I can no longer sleep.”
“In combat Marlboro would get really hard, like, down there,” Tracy Terrano told us, “and whenever he got hit he’d moan sexually. And our DM Ryan’s eyes got really big and creepy. Plus he started sweating all over the place.”
The next session is scheduled for July 4th. The DM has assured the players he has a “big bang” planned for the holiday.
I’ve got a new book out! You should buy it. https://bit.ly/glitchworld