Seoul, Korea, 2020 – David H, Brit C and Damon B were reportedly having the time of their lives last Friday night as, again and again, they watched the DM’s “NPC” proxy character, Lawful Good Paladin and part-time adventurer babysitter Malcolm Moray, roll failure after failure. By all accounts it was a great night, full of booze and laughter. But things turned ugly quickly.
“Yeah, so like Malcolm Moray sucks and Damon and I always tried to get him killed, so when I fired into melee and “accidentally” critted him for max damage to the back of his stupid Paladin bowl cut, it was quest over man. Laughs and high-fives all around,” David told this intrepid reporter, over the hissing and crackling sound of eldritch magic warping the time and space about us as an incorporeal form laughed horribly over top of us.
But DM Milo Laffer was not pleased.
“So I said, ‘Is that how it is going to be? Is that how it is?” Then I animated a table, having it kick their asses out of my apartment, and I pored over some forbidden tomes, and let me just tell you, I figured it out,” he chortled. “I figured it all out!”
A breath of mystic wind swept across the room, and the bare glimpse of otherworldly magic could be seen coming from his fingertips.
“I think it might be time for Live Roleplay,” he told this reporter, laughing, evil undertones echoing through the room as lightning coursed across the sky.
Report by D. Hanson
Bored? Tired of playing the same games over and over again? Try out this week’s hottest new release. David, Damon and Brit Go To Hell. Listen to them scream for hour on end as they fall into lava at the slightest provacation. Listen to them bitch and moan as they fail quest after quest, pierced, burnt and suffocated by the most hellish beasts to have ever graced the planes. Can you bring this band of stupid dummling assholes to the palace of Malcom Moray? Or will they burn and cry forever in a plane of eternal torment. Their fates are in your hands. For ages 18+
Sconnie Books 