Sylvester was just an ordinary looting man in the broken burning remains of Portland. But that all changed when he stumbled upon the buried, pristine contents of pre-riot history. A gaming lab outfitted with the technology of the ancients – sleep VR chambers, intravenous feeding and waste disposal, plus an emergency thought implant for immediate escape if things got out of hand.
So what did our intrepid, 5 foot 2 blue-eyed protagonist do? He entered the game, of course.
Character creating a unique Swordsman Class only available to him, he accidentally took a race that was also only available to him.
“It was weird. I wasn’t sure how this was possible. And then the game apologized and gave me special gear that was only usable by me as well. Really, just, out there.”
The hunky Swordsmen sworded his enemies, getting chomped and stabbed back as he laid waste to all before him, leveling at least once a chapter, thrice during boss battles, and rescuing numerous NPCs from their follies.
“This one guy was holding his axe backwards so I taught him how to hold it right and I leveled up! This other time some lady needed someone to get eggs from her henhouse but she had forgotten where it was. Five minutes and a level later, omelettes!”
Sylvester the Swordsmen finished the main quest in record time, swording salamanders swimming swiftly, saurons simpering silently, and even sinister soldiers stabbing savagely.
“A swordsman has got to do what a swordsman has got to do,” Sylvester told us over the raucous noise of his twenty-woman household. “And this swordsman has gotta sword a saucy sorceress over some sensuous circumstances,” he grinned, donning a cod piece especially designed for his large boner.
This has been Damien Hanson, reporting.