Level 107 Used Sword and Armor Salesman is Sick of Your Shit

Gharag City, Goblania, Server 173 – Gerg Schwartzman is your everyman NPC. The gregarious and charitable sort that is fun to have a beer with. His face shows in a million villages all across the web. And he is sick of your shit.

Specifically yours, Nolan Locke

“Hey Gerg, buy my inventory of one-thousand pixie-sized short blades. Hey Gerg, wanna buy five suits of kobold sized leather armor complete with stab holes in them? No, I don’t want to do that, but I do. And they never sell,” groused the generally happy everyman before sobbing. “All these purchases, all these buys, and never a sale. I don’t understand why I can’t just say no! My wife left me and took our children with her. And I can’t blame her. Because all of our coin goes to random adventurers with shit-ass broken goods. I eat food from the garbage to survive!”

Holy Shit Wendy’s! Shots fired!

The players, however, had a different take on the matter.

“He’s an NPC. Who cares. Fuck ‘im,” noted champion warrior Jerold Frey, savior of Romani and Level 40 knight. “He only exists to give me money.”

More generic NPCs, however . . .

Rob the 60th level pacifist had a different take, however. “We should, like, share his goods with the wild, man.”

Why the bad vibes bro?

Whatever the case, this reporter just unloaded a broken chest, ten moldy apples, and the corpse of his adventuring companion for 50 gold. This has been Damien Hanson, reporting.

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Published by Damien Lee Hanson

I am the founder of Damien Hanson Books. Come check out awesome authors right here at my website!

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