It isn’t every morning that one wakes up and finds that a man, a stranger, has contacted you. It is even less common that they do so while asking if you would like to cowrite a book with them. But this is something that happened to me, and three books later (actually four when I click publish on the next one) I found myself asking, who is Nolan Locke?
A Real Person?
Of course the first stop on my list is his profile. The fact that I didn’t really look closely at it before might well be a red flag – one that signifies that I need to pay attention better to what I am doing and — Ah! Scary Beastman!
Anyways, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, so his profile. It seemed a bit fishy at first, the hyper-stylistic hat. The fashionable beard. The lack of eyes. But, hey, the man’s got charm, right? Not all of us are born to breed if you know what I am saying. But then I saw something fishy.
If you look closely in the background, you can see. Nolan Locke exists within a world that can only be described as a 4 dimensional environment. None of those angles make any sense! I was looking in at a timeless being that existed at all times at once. I was, unknowingly, the first human to get a glimpse of the tesseract! Astounding. Also, no cilantro!
Now properly situated, I knew the task that I had at hand. I needed to search out Nolan Locke, through the ages, and discover what sort of being I was dealing with. Why all of the dirty acronyms? Why all of the called shots to Derek’s balls? Why were the novels so fantastically juvenile, with such tremendously childish covers?
I find him, and I quiver in horror.
Nolan Locke is a brutal man. He force chokes me through the monitor on an almost daily basis. But never could I have been prepared for the reality of his being. Look and behold, for what I have found is the harbringer of chaos, a berserker far more evil than anything than could be imagined by the minds of men. I give you the reality of Nolan Locke.
This was just the start. As far as I can tell, Nolan Locke is an interdimensional core-sworn extraterrestrial, one that has logged-in many times and through many ages into this place we call Earth. He plays us like a game, one in which he commits evil atrocities and sickeningly twisted scenarios that test the resolve of all who face them. His hold upon us is tremendously powerful and we can only hope that, somewhere, there exists some sort of powerful brightblade by which he can be defeated.
I have trailed him through time and though I hold reams of data I can feel my time here growing short. He is coming. I have found evidence as to his origins and through these he may be defeated! Let the heroes of the realm be called forth. Let the sages and researchers of our age find a way that he might be defeated!
Hey there everyone I’m Damien Hanson and I’d just like to let you know how much I appreciate you reading this article. It is free, of course, but if you’d like to support my efforts feel free to purchase any of my books and feel free to sign up with me here for notifications on new releases, free book deals, and more fun or funny articles. Thanks and have a wonderful day!