Attack of the Noobs – that time that a 1st level nation tried to p’own an epic one

Let me preface this to say, hey, I love Korea. I have lived here fifteen years. My wife is from here, my son is of course from here as well. So this isn’t me attacking Korea in any way.

It is me attacking old Isolationist Korea though. Seriously those noobs got p’owned! Don’t know what I am talking about? Read on, my friends, read on.

In 1866 Korea was a nation lost in time. Whatever tremendous abilities it had purchased during its Paradoxian Europa Universalis (IV) Age were lost in the import to the Victorian Age (Victoria II ftw) and it was a nation that had nothing better than anyone else on the planet. So what did they do when an American ship, the USS General Sherman, arrived, with five Americans and a crew of Malaysian sailor and a few Chinese businessmen? They yanked them around, variously denied and antagonized them, then proceeded to kill them all.

Noobs for the win, right? When it comes to push and shove between nations one ship lost is just a percentage point on the war barometer. You need 100% to win a full peace. Things had been shoved into gear and the US responded by sending another ship, which was told to get lost and, oh yeah btw your first ship died. So the US sent a frigate, two sloops of war, and two gunboats, to find out what had happened to the General Sherman. A total of 651 men. Doesn’t sound like a lot of people, right? That’s the difference between bottom and top tier. You don’t need a lot of people.

After more bureacratic yanking and tugging about, The US group decided to simply ignore the Korea government and sail down river, looking for evidence as to what had happened to the Sherman. You see, the Korean Monarchy hadn’t just decided to take out the American trade mission. They also decided to say as little about it. As people do.

The American ships moved in and Korean forts opened fire. It was a furious fusillade—but it did no damage. The Americans noted that the cannons fire fast and hard but had no accuracy and were operated by people who didn’t seem to know how to use them. And then they sent a delegation to demand an apology from the King. No apology was forthcoming.

We’ve all seen in across servers, across table tops, in adventuring games and strategy nation builders alike—when the weakest player around gets cocky, and the reluctant badass finally retaliates. The US expedition cut off its attempts at conversation and attacked.

The Battle of Ganghwa – Angry, the US Commander directed his squadron to a prominent but undermanned Korean Castle, Choji. It was an Hyrule Warriors type move – the commander saw that the fort was in a tremendously strategic location and yet it didn’t seem to be nearly as well defended as the next fort up the river, Deokjin Garrison, and he could use it as a base from which to begin sustained long range artillery fire on the enemies defensive positions from which they could not return fire. The sailors landed and assaulted the fort, overwhelming the soldiers there within 15 minutes. Boom, a click of the button. But The US wasn’t done yet. They sailed upriver to capture the immense Fort Deokjin—and found it abandoned, its defenders having fled at their approach. So

After bombarding Deokjin into surrender, the US moved up to take the provincial capital, the citadel Gwangseong Garrison. They unloaded all of their sailors and marines, set up howitzers and pounded the fortress even as various battle groups advance from all angles. The basic flintlocks and matchlocks of the Korean defenders reloaded so slowly compared to the rapidfire unlocked attackers that when the Americans climbed the walls many of them dropped their guns to fight back with rocks and various bits of debris.

The citadel battle lasted less than an hour. In the incident as a whole the Americans lost 3 men and the Koreans lost 243. It really exemplified a truism that continues to this day . . .

Check your level. Don’t try to p’own epic level opponents. Noob.

Hey there I hope you enjoyed that. We have a new book out. Check it out!

Published by Damien Lee Hanson

I am the founder of Damien Hanson Books. Come check out awesome authors right here at my website!

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