“I am the father of an 8 year old, what LitRPG books might I read my child?”
Photo by Keira Burton on Pexels.com
This sort of post is quite common in the facebook groups of the litrpg and gamelit community. And while one would expect a wholesome answer, perhaps a reference to the books on LitRPG Kids, or on their Facebook Website or maybe a reference to Diary of Jack the Kid or Cindy Keopp’s Animal Eye, the actual answers given are often quite the opposite.
“Busty Chicks XXX – The LitRPG”
“Mouth Rape – The Cockening (Progession Fantasy)”
“I Smash Your Mom and Bang Your Sister (LitRPG Harem)”
“Head Rippers”
“He Who Kills People By Tearing Out Their Eyes and Stuffing Them Up Their Asses Then Tearing Off Their Arms and Legs and Then Beating Them to Death With Their Own Appendages”
– the list goes on. And as for LitRPG Kids Authors, the silence on their books is deafening.
“I mean, look, I know we are in the progressive age and all of that but when did that mean that pulsating cocks and wet ejaculating orgasms were kid-acceptable?” asked kids’ author Meredith Johnston. “I’m totally at a loss for what is going on.”
Reader and avid fan Brian Morecock had an issue to take with this, however. “Look, I am never ever going to talk to my child about the birds and the bees, and I like books in which people are force fed their own testicles or else ass-fucked to death by the MC. And if I can get my seven year old to read the stuff I read, then I never have to say anything to him about women and I can save money on books. It’s really a big no-brained win-win.”
Some Kids LitRPG Authors have had enough, though. “Fuck it,” said kid’s author Kirrk Kirkenstan. “If the market wants hard-core murder-hobo books for children, then we’ll give them hard-core murder-hobo books for children! Dear god, forgive me, for I know not what I do.”
Other authors have also jumped on the bandwagon. “My book, Triple D Sluts Who Stab Faces With Their Swords?” asked Scott Hermy, smoking a cigarette bottomless while masturbating on a bus stop bench. “Yeah, sure, totally child-friendly. Ages 2 and up.”
Scott Hermy’s Full Crunch XXX Dark Fantasy Kid’s LitRPG website will go live in June, and will feature everything he has ever written with a new cute kid’s cover on front.
This has been Damien Hanson reporting.
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Thanks for the read everyone, and have a great day!
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