BuyMort Brief #1

‘Cavern-to-Table’ Affiliate Offers New, Cheap Rates on Sentient/Sapient Subterranean Meat

Written by: Tracy Mills, NewsCom Multiversal Incorporated

Since the very beginning, Charber IV has had trouble with the majority of its lazy inhabitants.

“They simply refuse to work higher mortie jobs. The level of labor required of them is something they do not wish to indulge in. And so they falter and fail at the bottom, where wages are unlivable, rather than joining us at the top, where work is harder but wages are plentiful,” said CEO Braskin Barnes, head of the newly formed Cavern-to-Table Affiliate. “The simple truth is, they belong in Storage. But they are stubborn and spoiled. Instead they stay here, committing acts of banditry and demanding more money for simple labor.”

The newly formed CtoT Affiliate has the answer, however.

“Look, meat is meat, and if people can’t be productive, perhaps they can be nutritious.”

Within the caverns of Charber IV live many of the miscreants that plague the land. A people so stubborn and yet desperate that their very homes are made of rocks, dirt and garbage.

But nearby, in caverns all over the planet, lies the white, hard plastic of the future.

“Think of it as a compromise. If they can’t be bothered to work hard enough to feed the families they raise, and if they refuse to leave us and go to Storage, then they have to meet us in the middle. They can execute volunteers, sell us the meat, and use that to supplement their incomes. And families that sign up for our Flesh-to-Feast programs will receive residence within our luxury subterranean meat suites, already in place and waiting for applicants.”

So far the lazy, lying residents have been less than enthusiastic. But some have warmed to the idea.

“If we go to Storage, they’ll separate us from our families and work us like slaves. If we stay here and try to get better jobs, they’ll do something to keep us down. No matter what we do, we die. Might as well let someone eat me if its going to help my family live a better life.”

If successful, Braskin Barnes plans to seed his new Affiliate across the galaxy, then many galazies, hoping to eventually gain access to the multiverse.

“The portals are expensive, and they require a high affiliate level. But I am confident that this business model will catch on while benefitting quadrillions.”

Residents of Charber IV may register through any BuyMort messenging or data service, or may walk in to apply.

Cavern-to-Table Affiliate is equal opportunity and will test any applicants for tenderness and quantity of meat, providing their services to all species and genders that qualify. Early applications are strongly encouraged to allow sufficient time for setting up your surviving family into their new pay systems and/or residences.

This has been Tracy Mills, reporting.

Check out the story at

Published by Damien Lee Hanson

I am the founder of Damien Hanson Books. Come check out awesome authors right here at my website!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: