BuyMort Brief #14

Failed Business Merger Ends in the Death of Famed CEO

Written by: Tracy Mills, NewsCom Multiversal Incorporated

BuyMort Affiliate Tweenteor Incorporated came to a crashing end as civil war in its ranks and poor decisions at its top end in the dissolution of the entire organization, and the death of its top.

“Elron Munsk wasn’t a bad guy, per se, but he had no idea about theaffiliate he was running. Yet he involved himself at every level! When he started getting interested in the goings-ons of the bottom level workers, we all knew it was over.”

The organization began as a steamworks shop from Cyberpunk Earth, dimension 17C. The apparent unique nature of this Earth, as well as the limited quantities of dimensions in the known multiverse, made it the purveyor of highly valuable and sought after goods.

But its owner, cybernetically enhanced founder Elron Munsk, was never able to understand the complexities of the multiversal market nor of the BuyMort monopoly.

The last straw for investors and workers alike was his sudden insistence on creating a new marketplace that would compete with BuyMort, thus losing his affiliate access to 99.9999999% of the available marketplace.

“People were shocked. They were angry. And they were murderous. His own defense team only fought for a few minutes before getting out of the way and letting the mob have him.”

Cyberpunk Earth has since fallen into great anarachy, and several affiliates are competing to attain universal control of the planet.

This has been Tracy Mills, reporting.

BuyMort Brief #13

The Tyson Dawes Windowpuncher Fan Club – Is It A Danger to Multiversal Youth?

Written by: Tracy Mills, NewsCom Multiversal Incorporated

A new and dangerous trend has begun among teens and their developmental equivalents all over the multiverse. The Tyson Dawes Window Puncher Challenge. Designed by fans of the Windowpuncher, a now registered affiliate of BuyMort has begun to encourage fans to reenact their most favorite Windowpuncher moments.

As seen on CTV, youth purchase windows, often from the affiliate itself, and bust through them with their exposed arms, legs, fists, and even sometimes their heads. To entirely predictable injury and parental dismay.

“My son, he’s a good kid,” stated sharecropper Jelfroth Xeroxa. “He never woulda done nothin like this on his own. It’s that Windowpuncher. He’s a real menace.”

Others agree, labeling the punchy and enigmatic Windowpuncher a scoundrel and a fool.

This has been Tracy Mills, reporting.

BuyMort Just Went Platinum! (The KU Million)

Hey everyone I just wanted to give a huge and happy shout out to all the fans of the BuyMort series. You rock hard. Sign up to the website and come join us! We’ve got plenty more BuyMort stuff coming your way! Special thanks to all of our Educated Consumers on Patreon as well. You all rock!

Oh and be sure to stay tuned for Black Friday and Cyber Monday specials!