The Internet Gave Clifford the Meme Treatment – And it is Glorious

What if I told you that Clifford the Big Red Dog, that loveable giant rascal that graced the books of your preschool years and haunted your dreams at night, was still alive and well on the internet? And that he is still putting out new titles, but that they seem to have grown up alongside his audience and that I absolutely would buy and read all of them if only someone had the balls to write them (and get the rights to them from Norman Bridwell).

Well, you say, wow, I am not at all surprised because that’s why I clicked this link and that’s why I am here. Fuck you. It was rhetorical or whatever. Give me a break. Anyways, here they are in their maginificent and wondrous glory, ranked from best to worst.

  1. Clifford Fucking Launches a Cat
Meow?

I honestly want to know what amazing genius paged through these books and thought “Tee hee, that cat is fucked!” because this is the one that started my journey. One moment I was searching Clifford, the next I was laughing and eagerly digging around for evil Clifford. This is the kind of find that tears people’s eyes off the road and slams them into tree trunks. It’s A+ amazing and if it doesn’t make you spit your coffee out through your nose when you read it then you are dead inside and there is nothing on this planet that can bring you back to humanity.

2. Clifford Commits a Homicide

Schlorp!

You can’t tell me that isn’t funny. You also can’t tell me that illustration wouldn’t involve at the very least PETA throwing about lawsuits as they drenched your house in red paint and demanded that giant red dogs are people. But I’ll admit I cheated here – this one got number 2 only because the quality of the number 3 picture is garbage. Otherwise, headline-wise, this next one is way funnier . . .

3. Clifford Kills My Grandma!

Splat!

I believe it too. In fact I firmly believe that Clifford, over the course of his six or seven years of life on this planet, is almost certainly going to see everyone he loves die under the tremendous weight of his idiotic excited dog leap. The only ones who will die in any other fashion are those unlucky enough to walk behind him when that tail starts wagging. Ever been whipped by a helicopter blade, over and over again?

4. Clifford Takes a Huge Fucking Shit

Sic him Clifford! Get him!

Clifford is a dog. What do dogs do? They shit, then eat it, then shit again, then roll around in it, and jump on grandma when she comes by to visit. I love this title because it brings a lot of much needed realism to the titular series. The only think that is missing here is Clifford getting all growly with Old Man McGee there as he yells at Clifford’s owner, and then tearing the man’s head off like the straggly thread of a chew toy.

5. The rest of them

It’s a wild place out there folks and as much as I’d love to continue wasting my money not getting paid to provide you with memes and commentary, I’m gonna wrap it up here and bid you adieu. Want bigger and better blog stuff? Buy my books. Just enough of them so I can retire and do this full time haha. Wanna stay up-to-date with my blog? Sign up below or join up at my facebook fan page.

Damien Hanson writes books. Check them out at https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B089X3WB7W/

Let me know in the comments!

Rick and Morty

Let me start by saying – goddamn was I such a huge fan. I loved it. I couldn’t get enough of it. I was in that first met, giggle and eye wink honeymoon romance that accompanies all new loves. I’d meet up with my buddy Justin and we grab some beers and Subway sandwiches, then we’d open up the next episode. It was true love baby, and now it is fading fast.

I’m not sure what the problem is. Dan Harmon and Justin Roiland signed a lucrative and massive seventy episode deal with seasons that are much longer than they are used to and that might well be feeding into the humdrum has-been feeling that is settling over the whole series. Perhaps it is the audience themselves, who often self-proclaim tremendous brilliance and demand that every episode cater toward the smarter side of things.

Whatever the case is, I find myself sincerely hoping that things can get worked out fast. Because the show started off so novel and brilliant and now it feels like someone forgot to wrap it up and throw in the fridge. It is really starting to stink and I’m about ready to move on.

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Number 1 in Free Humor

I put my debut novel How to Be an Adventurer up as a free download on Amazon. It is a deal that lasts just 5 days so grab it while it is hot! And, well, I kind of ignored it but today since I’ve been busy hopping about doing this and that I decided to take a peak and . . .

Eat it George RR Martin!

Kaboom. You don’t all hate my writing. You just hate paying for it! Well, that’s fine by me because I don’t want your stinky money anyways!!! Here, go ahead and pilfer all you want. It goes back to being worth something in a little bit, though, so don’t dilly-dally.

Oh man is that cover sexy.

Grab it while its hot. I’ll be making it free every three months so if you miss it, just follow me here daily so you don’t miss it again 😉